A PostModern Halloween Story
by drcjsnider
Summary: What happens when you deconstruct Halloween into a series of words and then reconstruct it with Draco and Hermione as the main characters? I don't know, either. PostDH, EWE.


Title: A Post-Modern Halloween Story  
Chapter Title: 1/1  
Characters: Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley  
Genres: Romance, Humour, General  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Sexual References  
Summary: What happens when you deconstruct Halloween into a series of words and then reconstruct it with Draco and Hermione as the main characters? I don't know, either. Post-DH, EWE.

Draco hated being in the sitting room of Malfoy Manor. Ever since Voldemort had made it his headquarters, the place felt tainted and eerie. Despite his mother's best efforts at redecorating, Draco was still haunted by the images of Professor Burbage being killed, of Bellatrix torturing Hermione Granger, and of his father being cursed for allowing Harry Potter to escape. As he dropped a lit match on the carpet, a smile flitted across his lips. Draco knew that some people viewed fire as dangerous and destructive. But for him, the flames symbolized renewal. Never again would this room give him nightmares.

**0-0-0**

Hermione wore two pieces of jewellery, her wedding ring and a locket. The ring symbolized her vow to honour her husband. The locket was a reminder of what could have been. The boy who had put it around her neck had charmed it to be removable only when she no longer loved him. Haunted by his spell, Hermione opened the locket every day to glance at a picture of his silver eyes and to touch a strand of his blond hair. Every night she uttered a prayer that locket would come off and her heart would finally be free.

**0-0-0**

Twenty-five year old Hermione enjoyed the perception others had of her as self-assured and grounded. Like most people, however, she was troubled by personal demons. For years, she had been torn over the memory modification charm she'd placed on her parents. Likewise, she still struggled over her decision to briefly leave the magical world to focus on caring for her dying, non-magical husband. Lately, what kept her awake was her refusal to date the silver-eyed nemesis of her childhood years. Affixing an acceptance note to her owl's leg, she silently thanked Merlin that some demons could be put to rest.

**0-0-0**

"Granger, why can't you show me that you love me?"

"Love is intangible, Malfoy. You can't pick it up the same way you do a galleon. You can't put it in a display case to show your guests. Like a phantom, it's more mental than corporeal."

"Bloody hell, woman. If you don't want to have sex, just tell me. I don't need to hear your half-assed theory about the similarities between love and ghosts."

Hermione growled then poked him in the ribs.

"Ouch!" Draco grumbled. "What was that for?"

"I never said that physical demonstrations of frustration weren't possible," she grumbled.

**0-0-0**

_Hermione's screams woke him up. She was having a nightmare, tossing and turning in bed. "Hermione, luv, wake up," Draco whispered, gently shaking her._

_Panting heavily, while tears streamed down her face, Hermione's eyes focused slowly on the man she'd been sharing her bed with for the last nine months. "I dreamed about being tortured by Bellatrix again," she told him, her voice catching on his aunt's name. "Since we've been together, the dreams are getting worse and they are coming more frequently."_

_"Hermione, I'm so sorry," he began to say, reaching out for her. He was stunned into silence, however, when she jerked away from him._

_"I can't do this anymore, Draco. It is too hard. I thought I was over it. I thought I had forgiven you. But every time I have this nightmare, I am reminded how you stood there and just watched that mad woman cast the Cruciatus curse on me over and over. I don't think I'm ever going to really get past that. I'll pack up tomorrow and stay with Harry and Ginny until I find my own flat."_

_"Damn it, Granger. I am not going to let you go," Draco growled at her._

_"It is not your decision to make," Hermione hissed back._

Someone was shaking his shoulder. "Draco, wake up," Hermione whispered calmly. "You are having a nightmare, again."

Blinking rapidly, Draco sat up in bed and stared down at the beautiful witch beside him. He was unable to immediately accept that it had all been a dream.

"Are you okay?" she asked, pulling him down into her arms and stroking his hair.

"Granger, promise me you'll never leave me," he demanded in a husky voice.

"I promise."

"Say it again."

"I promise."

"Good," he said softly, before burying his head in her curls.

**0-0-0**

"It's really not corn," he told her.

"I know it's not corn."

"It doesn't look like corn."

"I KNOW," she replied a bit exasperated. Ever since Hermione and Draco had gone to buy candy to give to Trick-or-Treaters, he hadn't been able to get past the entire 'candy corn' phenomena.

"Do Muggles really fall for this? Do they really think they are getting some sort of corn candy only to find out later that it isn't corn-like at all?"

"No Draco, they don't fall for it. It isn't some kind of scam where the candy company is trying to cheat unsuspecting consumers. It is just a name."

"If it is just a name why isn't it more accurate? Why don't they call it Sugary, Yellow and Orange Triangle Candy?"

"I don't know," she replied. "Maybe the company thought Candy Corn sounded better than Sugary Triangle Candy."

"Well, they are wrong," he replied with a sneer. "Candy Corn sounds disgusting. I thought you were buying a bag of chocolate dipped corn kernels. I couldn't even get Goyle to eat something that putrid."

"Well, maybe you should write them a letter with your name change suggestion."

Draco cocked an eyebrow at her. "Granger, if I am going to write anyone, it will be to the Ministry of Magic asking them to investigate the company who sells miniature, chocolate covered Baby Ruths. Those people should be in Azkaban!"

**0-0-0**

Hermione sat in her Grandmother's kitchen. The visit had gone surprising well, especially after she'd hidden Draco's wand so he wouldn't end up hexing the doorbell or microwave by mistake.

Suddenly Draco's scream echoed through the house. Hermione was down the hall in seconds pounding on the restroom door. "Draco, are you alright? Let me in!"

"Granger, save yourself!" he responded.

Ignoring him, she pushed open the door and found Draco stomping on the Chewbacca tissue cozy that belonged to Hermione's grandmother.

"I've killed it," Draco told her seriously.

"You're my hero, Malfoy," Hermione replied sarcastically, returning to the kitchen.

**0-0-0**

Draco Malfoy had never considered himself especially evil. He knew evil. He was related to the most diabolical, cold-hearted, and cunning dark wizards in British history. But Draco also knew that context was everything. Throw him in the middle of a bunch of prissy Gryffindor do-gooders and he appeared downright wicked. This was one of the reasons he adored dating Hermione Granger. All he had to do at a Gyffindor gathering was throw some snarky comments toward Potter, glare malevolently at Longbottom, or trip Weasley and suddenly he was the most fiendish man at the party. Lucius would be proud.

**0-0-0**

"She's going to kill me," Draco groaned.

"She is going to torture you, then kill you," Harry replied.

"She is going to torture you, kill you, and then use your lifeless corpse as a practice dummy for experimental hexes," Ron contributed.

"It is just a book," Blaise Zabini informed them. "Aren't you three exaggerating about how upset Granger will be?"

Draco's, Harry's, and Ron's heads swivelled towards Blaise, all three looking similarly flabbergasted. "Have you met my girlfriend?" Draco asked him, mockingly.

The four Hogwarts' alumni had been tossing around a Quaffle in Draco's and Hermione's flat when Draco accidentally knocked over a vase of fresh flowers. Rather than immediately clean it up, the four had continued to joke around, have lunch, and then listen to a Quidditch match on the wireless. Finally, when Draco remembered about the vase and moved to magic away the mess, he discovered much to his horror that the water from the flowers had spilled onto Hermione's copy of Hogwarts: A History. The book was now completely waterlogged, with the cover and most of the pages curling up from the moisture.

"Yes, I've met your girlfriend. She is a bright, sensible, and compassionate witch. I really doubt you need to be concerned."

Just then Hermione Apparated into the flat. Draco turned to Blaise and whispered, "If you are so sure you are correct, tell her that you're the one who spilled water on her book."

"No problem," Blaise replied, confidently.

Draco smirked and stood back, prepared to enjoy the carnage.

**0-0-0**

Draco Malfoy had spent most of his sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts in perpetual fear. Fear for his life and that of his parents. Fear of never knowing the right thing to say or the right thing to do. After Voldemort's defeat, Draco had pledged never to put himself in another situation that would leave him paralyzed by fear. Yet, here he was, not even ten years later, once again spooked, terrified, and anxious. He fingered the gold and diamond ring in his pocket for the hundredth time, trying to gather enough courage to ask Hermione to marry him.

**0-0-0**

Ron grabbed Hermione by one arm, while Harry took a hold of the other. They quickly began to drag her out of parlour in Malfoy Manor. "Weasley," Draco barked. "Just where in the hell are you taking my fiancée?"

"Intervention," Ron responded with a glare.

"I don't need an intervention," Hermione spat out, trying to wrest herself free of her two friends.

"Hermione, it is obvious that some sort of demon has taken over your mind and body. Otherwise, you never would have agreed to marry Malfoy," Harry explained calmly, not loosening his grip on her arm.

"I've told you before that there is no demon! I do not need an exorcism!" Hermione replied angrily.

"I beg to differ, darling," Draco drawled from the chair in which he was lounging.

The heads of all three members of the Golden Trio swivelled toward Malfoy in surprise.

Smirking widely, Draco told them, "Just make sure to bring her back once you've evicted the 'elf-liberation-demon' that possesses her soul."

**0-0-0**

"Merlin, they are ugly."

"Granger, shut the fuck up."

Hermione rolled her eyes and bit her lip. The silence lasted for about three seconds. "I'm just saying that they are really hideous."

"Woman if you can't keep your mouth closed, I swear on Potter's martyr-like soul, I'll shut it for you."

Hermione glared at her husband. This was supposed to be a happy occasion. Draco and she were building a new Malfoy Manor. Lucius had burned down the original Malfoy ancestral home, rather than have a Mudblood move into it. Draco had insisted that they rebuild and for the most part things had gone smoothly until their architect had inquired whether they would be adding gargoyles to the roofline.

"No!" Hermione had gagged.

"Of course," Draco had stated at the exactly same time.

Draco had eventually convinced her that you could not have a proper manor without gargoyles.

However, when it came time to order the gargoyles, Hermione had wanted to model them after the ones which adorned the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Draco had wanted to order lions with snake heads to symbolize the joining together of Slytherin and Gryffindor. Draco had gotten his way again.

As Hermione stared up at the roof, watching silently as the workmen attached the stone monstrosities, she couldn't stop herself from making one more comment. "Our children will probably end up in Hufflepuff because those things will scar them for life from ever wanting to join Slytherin or Gyffindor."

"That's it," Draco growled, grabbing her by the wrist and Apparating them into master bedroom of the new manor. With a flick of his wand, they were both naked and Draco was crushing her mouth beneath his. Twenty minutes later as they lay curled together, exhausted from love-making, Hermione stroked her husband's chest and kissed his collarbone. "I love how you punish me," she whispered.

Not bothering to open his eyes, Draco squeezed Hermione's bum firmly. "If you ever again suggest my future progeny will be in Hufflepuff, I swear on Weasley's underdeveloped brain tissue, you won't be able to walk for a week," he smirked, imagining just what he would do to his wife's delicious body to make good on that threat.

**0-0-0**

"Granger!" Draco yelled. "Why is there a fern planted in my cauldron?"

"I can't imagine, darling," Hermione replied. "Who might not want you brewing any more – Make My Wife's Boobs Grow Bigger Potion? Or any more – Turn My Wife Horny Potion? Or any more of my personal favourite – Glue My Wife's Mouth Shut So She Can't Talk Potion?"

Draco blushed. "You could just make your own potion for revenge."

"Oh, I did. Good luck finding an antidote for – My Husband's An Idiot and Now He's Going to Pay Potion." Hermione replied.

Draco blanched. "Granger! What did you do to me?!"

**0-0-0**

Draco Malfoy was sitting in front of the fireplace in the manor's parlour, when his sixteen year old daughter Floo'ed home three-and-a-half hours late.

"Ur… hi, Daddy," said the curly-haired blond girl, directing a nervous smile at her father.

Through hooded eyes, Draco drawled in a manner that made him sound far more like Lucius Malfoy that he probably realized. "Would you care to explain exactly where you've been since your eleven p.m. curfew, young lady? Your mother has been worried sick that something dreadful happened."

"I haven't been anywhere special," the girl blushed. "James and I just lost track of time."

"Indeed," Draco hissed, clenching his jaw even tighter than before. "Perhaps being grounded for two weeks and prohibited from having any contact with James Potter the rest of the summer will make it easier for you to recall in the future how to use a watch."

"Daddy, that's not fair!" the girl shouted, stomping her foot.

"It is not up for discussion, Cissy. You may go to your room now," Draco nodded toward the entry stairs, effectively dismissing the outraged girl.

"Oh, I hate you, sometimes!" the girl spat, before flouncing out of the room.

Draco closed his eyes and took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. It wasn't until he felt his wife's hands on his shoulders gently massaging away his tension that he began to relax. When she bent down to plant kisses along his neck, he released a deep sigh. "Damn, Granger, that feels good."

"Cissy's home?" Hermione asked, quietly.

Draco nodded. "Lost track of time," he grumbled sarcastically.

"You didn't over-react, did you?" she inquired, biting her lip.

"Of course not." Draco reached behind the settee, grabbed Hermione's arm, and pulled her into his lap. Pushing her dressing gown open slightly, he nuzzled her bare skin. Lifting his head, he stared into his wife's lovely eyes. "The girl must learn, however, that she can not terrorize her parents this way."

Barely refraining from rolling her eyes, Hermione smiled at him. "Terrorize?"

"Hush, woman," Draco responded, capturing her lips and ensuring that she would have nothing else to say about their daughter's punishment.

The End

A big thanks to KazFeist for betaing this. Each of the different episodes was based on a prompt from the Halloween activities at the live journal communities - dramionedrabble and dmhghalloween.


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